i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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