If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
