This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
