That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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