Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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