well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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