just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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