She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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