I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
