I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
