i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
