What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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