i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i have herpe
just one?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
