Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
