I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
