i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
