Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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