i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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