if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
