the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
