You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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