Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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