Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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