What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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