I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
