Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
