There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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