so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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