I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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