Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
