my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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