the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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