You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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