from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
