Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
