I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
