Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
