you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
