loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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