I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
