Pappa wants mamma naked
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
