The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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