My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
