I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
