I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
