Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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