your parents love me but you hate me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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