So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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