Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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