I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
