The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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