Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
