Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
