how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
