A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
