i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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