I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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