When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
